It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
tell me about the eggs
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
