No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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