perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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