I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
