everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
