But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
