I'm drive I can fine osifer
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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