Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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