by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
