Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
