Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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