he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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