Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
