I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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