Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
