Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
