i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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