well most of my day revolves around power hour
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
