Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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