i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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