dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
