what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
