Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
