I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
