You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
