He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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