I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Someone shit on the floor
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
