she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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