non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
