Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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