you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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