Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
