Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
