I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
