Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
