She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You took a bar mat shot.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
third nipple confirmed
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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