There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
