i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
