you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She's the barista slut.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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