$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
