he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
