My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
