Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize