I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What a dumb baby whore.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
