Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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