what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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