so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
