watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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