Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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