his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
