I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
