He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
