I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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