so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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