There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
