can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
