I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
