Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
