before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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