So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
