either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
