i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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