I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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